Oh Crap! I'm Actually Supposed to be an Adult Now

As mentioned in the entry I just posted, I have a little bit of an emotional ping-pong going on. I think this is mostly brought on by the harsh reality that I am actually supposed to be an adult now. This is the first summer that I will be completely on my own - I'm not at home, I'm not away at Nana and Papa's, and I don't have a Wellesley-run program taking care of me. No, I am on my own. I am paying rent, utilities, and groceries like an adult and working 9-5 almost like one, too (I say almost because I'm still the unpaid college intern). It kind of fully hit me today, as I went grocery shopping for the week. Then, I convinced myself I was fine as I walked home (I was rather proud of myself for figuring out how to get back from Safeway without my written directions). Of course, Skyping with your family kinda makes you realize how much you miss them. There is definitely a part of me wondering why I decided not going home was a good plan (well, in terms of my resume and job prospects for next year, I suppose it is a good plan to be in D.C.), and the small child in me just wants to go home, curl up under the covers, and let Mommy and Daddy deal with and worry about the big stuff. On the other hand, the more practical side of me is saying that it is a good plan being on my own and it will help me after graduation and that I need to grow up and be an adult (however unappealing it may sound).

I'm pretty sure as soon as I start working, I'll feel better about being so far from home. I'll have a routine and be busy, which will cushion the blow of being so far from home for so long. I didn't really realize how hard it is to be away until I saw my family again. All in all, I have to say that this blog post was really mostly for me - a therapeutic way to just release my feelings and have it out there. I guess what it comes down to is that sometimes, I find it really hard to reconcile my desire to travel with my desire to be near my family.